What's new in my life

Desperate Times

When I was around the age of 10 or 11 my mother moved the family to New Mexico where her full blooded brother lived.

Growing up my mom never really knew her brother because he lived with their father who was divorced from their mother. (nothing is easy in my family - not even having full blooded siblings)

Anyway, they had been talking a lot around that time and he had offered us a place to live so they could get to know each other once again. (One thing you must understand is...I really think my mother had nomadic blood pulsating in her body. This women does not know the definition of permanence. Up and moving us half way across the country was nothing to her. It didn't bother her that I left my only friend. That we would missed school or that we had any say on where we lived. She had made up her mind that we were going at that was it.)

With the station wagon loaded and everything we owned and our cat in backseat we were ready to leave our life old life and begin a new. Traveling was both fun and exhausting but it took a long time to get there.

Once we did arrive it was like a whole other world. Dirt, tumble weeds, sage, horny toads and trailers. It seemed as though every one had trailers. Which were really only five household all spread out miles away from each other. The only house that wasn't a trailer was a house made of tires. This house would later become infamous and would be shown on the Discovery channel. (another story)

All I kept thinking was this was where were going to live... in a trailer? It was so small - I seriously don't know how we survived. We left a six bedroom, two bathroom house in a middle class neighborhood to live in a trailer. We were poor dirt poor (no pun intended).

I met a gal the same age as I was, she lived just down the dirt road. She had two dirt bikes and we would spend hours on end riding them. We would take those things up and down small mountains and in some really wild canyons. That was my only salvation.

We did have a garden, though. My mom took the time to teach me how to grow things in it. Rhubarb, celery, carrots and cabbage. It's the oddest things that I remember. Our t.v. only had one or two Jasminlive channels that we could actually see without wavy lines. So every waking moment was pretty much spent outside entertaining ourselves. I recall my mom drawing pictures of cartoon characters for the vegetable in the garden. You know, to tells what type of vegetable it was. For Carrots she drew Bugs Bunny. For the Rhubarb she drew a Barbie. Get it? Those are the only two characters I remember. She knew we were all so miserable and she tried so hard to keep us entertained. But it didn't stop there. With our trailer we had some property which included a bunch of horse stalls, chicken coops and a compost. As I said before we were broke...so the only pets we could afford were a couple of chicks and a duck for each one of us kids. My little duckie was name Angela for the best friend I left behind. Anyway, to keep us entertained and to stop my mother from going mad she drew on the horse stalls pictures of fake horses. She made signs for each one along with a fake general store, Actually she made a fake town. She made it fun, well, as much as she could. To someone else it was pathetic but to us it was an escape from the disappointment that New Mexico had became.

In that same time frame - I saw my first snow on a mountain very far away. Princess Diana and Prince Charles were married. Someone attempted to molested me and I learned to shoot a gun. I had my 11th birthday there and I experienced death for the first time.

One afternoon the skies had opened up and it rained for what seemed to be forever. When I went to check on the birds, I had noticed that their coop had not been closed and Angela my duck was floating in her little pool. I gathered her up dried her off and kept her warm. But it was too late, she was week from the storm. I remember the very moment she died. She took one final breath, shook a little as if you could feel God take her from my arms and she was gone.

We didn't stay very long in New Mexico. We left after six months. I learned and experienced a lot there. Even though it was hot, dry and miserable - I wouldn't trade those memories for anything.

Do You Remember?

6th grade. Do you remember it? Does that grade haunt you as much as it does me? Dear God what an awful awful stage in life. Stuck between wanting to play with the Barbie's sitting in the corner of your room just waiting for you to show them attention. And stuck wanting to be the grown up you've been dreaming of being.

I remember the growing pains that ached in my bones at night. I recall my teeth still missing from when my baby teeth left my mouth. Trying to figure what to do with my scraggly hair. The overwhelming feeling of being awkward every moment of everyday. My long lanky legs that couldn't catch up with the rest of my body fast enough. Wanting so badly to shave them because they were so hairy, but being too young to do it. The self conscience feeling you have in every move you make. At that age your emotions are the only thing that controls you.

I look at my daughter and I notice things about her I never really noticed before. Her beautiful olive face thinning out and starting to take a womanly shape to it. She has those same lanky limbs that tease every 11 year old. Her hazel eyes are growing wiser as she gets older; they're not as innocent as my 7 year olds eyes are. She's seen things, heard things, done things that age does. She's getting older.

I've noticed that she wants to spend more time with me on live sex chat. When I get ready to go someplace she sits on the counter and watches me carefully apply my make up. She asks questions about moisturizer. Moisturizer ! She wants to know about Livejasmin, eyeliner, lipstick, and mascara.

We have the same taste in music. There is nothing more fulfilling than sitting on the couch on a Sunday morning and watch VH1's Top 20 Countdown and be happy when OUR favorite song is number one. We have a common ground. Even though it may not be often. We do have one.

I know it's hard for her. She has added responsibilities now being in Jr. High. She feels the need to be popular and she thinks she's not. Being accepted is the single most important thing in a preteens life.

She is a lunatic when it comes to her hormones. She cries often. Almost on a daily basis. To me I know that it's just that hormones. But to her it's the end of the world.

My baby is making her confirmation this weekend and I am so very proud of her. I'm proud that she is kind, loving, gentle and sweet. But most of all I'm proud of how gracefully she is growing up. 6th grade is tough but she's doing well. Better than I ever did. Eleven years old. What a tough age.

So to you my little one. You're doing a fine job. Hang in there, sweetie.

And if you have a child this age - you know what I mean. Give them a hug because they need it.

P.S. Lush Bath bombs are the bomb!

What if?

What exactly makes a relationship go sour? Is it the lack of passion? No heartfelt connection? Kids? Being unfaithful? Or can it simply be growing apart instead of living as one?

When you choose that special someone to spend the rest of your life with, how do you know it's going to last forever? How do you know your going to feel that WAY 10 , 20 or even 50 years from now?

Is there such a thing as a soul mate? If you do choose that person, how do you know that there isn't someone else out there that is better for you? Should anyone just settle for what they can get?

When your young and choose that person for life - How do you know that he's the one, especially when you haven't even dipped your toes in the lake to test the waters?

What if one person wants out and the other likes things just the way it is. It's comfortable for one and suffocating for another? What if there are kids involved?

Would you sacrifice your kid's happiness for your own?

Do people change? Do they grow apart? Or is it boredom?

Is it really ok to want to stay at work and not go home? Is it ok to not really have anything in common with your spouse? Is it really true that opposites attract? If so, then what do you have to talk about?

What if you sex life dies? Then what? What happens when your loved one chooses a TV. program over you. Do you get yourself a vibrator, call it Bob and sacrifice the passion in your heart?

What if you've tried every thing you can think of to make great things happen and it fails miserably. What happens when life gets so mundane and so blah you speak to your spouse only when you're passing in the hallway?

Gone are the compliments. The butterflies have left your belly years ago. No more playing footsie in bed. Gone are the lingering looks of amazement.

Replaced by bickering. Nausea, Cover hogging or kicking each other for more room. Looks of disgust or bewilderment is on your face instead.

Do people really break up over being lonely? Do they get divorced because their bored?

What if everyday you woke up - you wished just for a little while you were alone?

I'm the bomb

All this talk about Lush bath bombs from Helen had me wondering if they were as good as she talks about. They can't be that good can they? I went on the internet the other day and ordered this, this , this and finally this. I was so excited when I drove up my drive way to see a box sitting in front my front porch. A lovely box with Lush stickers all over it. I felt like a kid at Christmas. They smell unbelievable.

I have my whole night planned out. After I put the kids to bed I'm going to pour myself a nice glass of red wine. Strip down and sit in a hot fizzy bath. Just to see what all the hype is about. The only question is which one am I going to use first?

What do you think?

My hsubands birthday is coming up and I'm having a hard time getting him something. I know I could get him the stuff guys typically like.

Beer, Boobs, Cars and Sports - Settle down boys I can smell the testosterone ebbing out of your pores.

Being the cool chick I think I am. I've gotten him most of that stuff already. I mean when he was drooling over the 69 Cutlass Download file

for sale. I talked him into buying it. I buy him beer everytime I go to the store (daily). I don't care if he goes to the titty bars. Really. In fact I went with him once. Sports is his passion. He lives, breaths and would eat it if he could - Cleveland sports. He's a die hard. My whole basement is filled with Cleveland stuff. Which is ok because it's done tastefully. Wait did I just say that. Was that an oxymoron? I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out what would be the perfect gift. That's when I saw this. I know it's kindof weird. I just hope he likes it. What do you think? Did I get ripped off?